Introduction
Today we are going to discuss one of the most overlooked aspects of BDSM and one that is essential for the safety and comfort of both the Dominant and submissive.
When we think of BDSM, often we picture whips, paddles and handcuffs but there is a gentler practice to balance all of this intense play. Aftercare is the softer side of these dynamics and is designed to tend to the emotional, mental, and physical needs of both parties participating in this power exchange. However, it is important to remember that even vanilla couples can benefit from aftercare.
To fully understand the benefits and importance of aftercare, we first have to understand the impact of these BDSM scenes.
During play, both the Dominant and the submissive can enter deep mental states exclusive to these erotic interactions. This change is due to the release of endorphins and other chemicals in the brain during the power exchange. While the BDSM scene can bring about euphoric feelings, the end of a session can cause a sudden and intense low. This physical, emotional and mental withdrawal is called a subdrop for submissives and Domdrop/Topdrop for Dominants.
Aftercare is the best method of preventing this negative aftereffect.
What Is Subspace?
Aspects of BDSM play, specifically a mixture of pain and pleasure, can elicit a fight or flight response in the submissive. This can cause the individual to experience a euphoric feeling often described as a floating sensation. In this state, submissives become hyperfocused on their Dominant, as though nothing exists outside of the session.
While subspace can be an extremely pleasurable experience it can also be dangerous for the submissive. Pain becomes more tolerable and submissive's inhibitions are lowered. Submissives often report being easily influenced by their partner while their desire to please is heightened. This trance-like state has even been compared to being high or drunk due to how strongly it impacts the individual. This is one of the many reasons why a foundation of trust between submissives and their Dominants is so essential for the safety of both individuals.
What Is Subdrop?
Subdrop is caused by the sudden drop of endorphins at the end of a session and is often associated with an intense physical, emotional and mental low. This can occur directly after a session or even hours later. Some physical examples of this include feeling abruptly cold and tired. On the other hand, some of the most common emotional and mental symptoms are feelings of shame and self-doubt. While the submissive enjoyed the high of the scene, they may suddenly begin to feel embarrassed for their participation and vulnerability. These negative emotions can spiral if not addressed and cause serious mental and emotional distress for the submissive.
These symptoms are completely normal, however, they underline the importance of aftercare.
What is Domspace?
While subspace is the mental state that submissives experience, Domspace is the mental state that Dominants experience.
As with submissives, in this headspace Dominants become hyper focused on their partner as if nothing exists outside of the scene. However, the endorphins released during BDSM scenes appear to create different experiences for Dominants than submissives.
Mental symptoms include a heightened sense of power and control. Dominants often described amplified physical sensations and a heightened sense of power and even an out-of-body experience. In this state, some Dominants report feeling as though each movement and decision flows into the next. For those who enjoy impact play, this can even result in feeling as though the whip or paddle is an extension of themselves instead of a separate object.
What is Domdrop?
Dominants are notoriously stoic, often keeping their thoughts and emotions to themselves. Despite this, Dominants can experience the same kind of intense withdrawal at the end of a scene. As endorphins begin to level out, Dominants can become overwhelmed by a physical, mental and emotional low similar to that of subdrop.
This can bring about feelings of self-doubt, self-judgment and guilt in some individuals. While the Dominant enjoyed the high of being in control, they may begin to question their actions within the scene. These negative feelings can fester in some individuals, causing serious emotional and mental distress if not addressed.
For Dominants experiencing these emotions and thoughts, it is crucial that they reconnect with their partner through aftercare.
Examples Of Aftercare
Aftercare can look different for every couple but one constant remains the same - Aftercare is meant to tend to the needs of both parties after participating in an intense power exchange.
Physical Aftercare
Kissing
Cuddling
Showering and/or cleaning up together
Massage
Tending to any bruises or other injuries
Aftercare For Submissives
Reassuring the submissive that they did well
Sharing examples of things you liked
Discussing the scene and/or future scenes
Aftercare For Dominants
Reassuring Dominants that you (as the submissive) enjoyed the scene
Sharing examples of things you liked
Discussing the scene and/or future scenes
Undoing restraints
Getting blankets
Ensuring the submissive drinks water
Offering a tasty snack
By incorporating sex toys into your aftercare routine, you can create a more comprehensive and fulfilling experience, ensuring the well-being of both partners after an intense BDSM session.